he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
