i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
