Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
