At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
