i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
