We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
