You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
