I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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