So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
