I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
