I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
