just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
