I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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