A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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