I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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