Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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