were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
