my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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