Me too!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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