i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize