You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
