Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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