he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize