apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
