I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
