The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
