I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
