I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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