the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
