just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
