Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
