I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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