either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
