it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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