wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
