I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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