Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize