I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
