barbara walters just said penis...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
