i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
