Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
