i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
