how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize