I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
