im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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