i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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