I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
