I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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