idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
