Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
