if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
