i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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