I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i think i just lost a toe
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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