Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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