I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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