Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
