All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
