he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
