I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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