problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
