Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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