We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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