I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
