called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize