I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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