Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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