If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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