Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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