How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
