I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
