Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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