I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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