It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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