I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize