My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
