New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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