How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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